I hope that I’m being a supportive wife

My husband has a lot of issues that are making him depressed. I don’t blame him, I would be too. Life has been kicking him in the dick for a long time. I know he feels alone in this world and I often feel alone as a wife to him. Does anyone else have these problems? It affects every part of a person when they are fighting health issues. And his health is declining. We’re only 38! He has so many issues, I don’t know which to try to tackle first and they’ve been piling for a while.

So, he’s on a lot of medicines, but is trying to get off of as many as possible. He took a step and started going to my hippie doctor who believes in supplements and diet to fix most of the issues. Don’t worry – she has an M.D. and is a  very good diagnostician, so I’m excited that she is working with him. He’s only been under her care for about a month, so we haven’t had enough time for him to see results completely yet. He was on allergy medicines and she put him on a dietary supplement instead. It’s not really working, but the allergy medicines weren’t either. One thing I can say is that he doesn’t sound as clogged up at night and isn’t sneezing as much anymore. So it might be working. She also added more testosterone to his regime. She took him off Androgel and put him on an injection. He has thrush and it’s affected his taste and smell, so he isn’t hungry.

He had back surgery in December of last year and his bone graft didn’t take. So the surgeon is suggesting that he go back under the knife and add more bone growth stimulator and add a cage to the other side. Needless to say, my husband is less than thrilled and that was a blow as well that is causing more depression….. And with the thrush, eating hasn’t offered any comfort. With pain, sex hasn’t been something we have been on top of either – he hurts just to get out of bed. Basically all of life’s pleasures are getting taken away one by one.

His job is not the “normal 8-5 Monday through Friday”, so he is frustrated that he never has a holiday off or he’s always on a different schedule from me. And he barely gets any vacation compared to me. It has been hard enough to be 10 years ahead of him on my career and then the economy bit us in the ass when he started looking for a job after graduating with a Behavioral Sciences degree. (Word to the wise, just get a hard science based degree. It will save you tons of heartache later.)

He has an estranged relationship with his family – specifically his mom and his siblings. His dad and he have sort of worked on their relationship and it is better than it used to be. But his mom’s relationship has now dwindled to this year we only exchanged Christmas cards and she sent cookies. I don’t blame him for the way these relationships have developed over the years, but he lives in guilt of choosing this path. I mean, if it takes 7 years to get your mom to be honest with you about a major thing, why would you want to have a really close knit relationship with her? And why would you want to work on the relationship with your sister when she just wants to force you to “fix” your relationship with your mom and doesn’t take interest in any other part of your life? It absolutely makes sense, but it’s still painful for him. I watch it all the time and don’t interfere out of respect for him. It took me a while to learn that lesson.

So, as you can see, there’s a lot on his plate. He used to ask if he was being punished in life for things. I used to always believe that it was just life and he was being too pessimistic…. But I’m starting to wonder if I’m wrong. Is he being punished for bad decisions of his family’s past? The sociological explanation is that his family is experiencing cycle patterns that are unavoidable and all those things added up to the way he handles his psychological pain and then comes out in physical ailments…. Is that too far fetched? Or really, is it the combination of it all that has taken it’s toll on him.  Am I being tested in patience by being with him? Is anyone else having this type of depression in their life?

And as much as we want it to be the answer, getting away to our vacation spot won’t erase all the health concerns we have for him right now. We’re always in flux and transition…… And I worry about him very much every single day.

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