Retire with a plan

So this week I was sick with the flu. It wasn’t that big of a deal besides zapping my energy and feeling achy, but my visualization for retirement became more clear.

I have to be prepared to structure myself somehow when I am retired. If left to my own devices, TV and food and sleep will be all that I do. I think it’s all my husband would do as well. TV is a soul-sucking device and social media is right behind it. I can waste so much time doing both. This is something I must work on.

Maybe we were sitting around a lot more because we’re stuck in limbo with our house situation. Regardless, I must start working on this on 2015. I need to revisit my goals for the year. 

Good news is tomorrow, we will have a new reason to be less bored. We’re bringing home this sweet face.

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And hopefully soon after that, we’ll have a new place to live that will be our own. Slowly things are coming together. I look forward to the next several weeks.

Visualizing the End

This weekend, I intended to visualize the end of my work life. My job is great, but it is corporate, no mistake about it. Friday was back to back meetings with my boss trying to lighten my mood that he was causing. Monday will be the same thing with a meeting during lunch as well. I won’t miss this stuff.

I wish I could say my retirement is close, but I’m still figuring out how to aggressively save for it. Tonight is about seeing the end and feeling what it feels like to not be constantly going from meeting to meeting and shuffling papers. I know I won’t miss feeling like I can’t make a decision without 30 people being involved. I won’t miss getting up at 5:30 am. I won’t miss that dreadful feeling on Sundays that I need one more day and don’t want to go back to work in the morning. I won’t miss that decision of whether there’s too much snow on the ground to drive in or not. I won’t miss having to choose whether my boss is serious about me working later or not or when my husband is told that he can’t take vacation the days we want. Neither of us will miss this rat race.

How and when are we going to be able to make this happen permanently?!

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My fellow blogger, Unconfirmed Bachelorette just gave me this calculator to start using. I’m hoping this will be a key to helping me figure out within reason how to go about saving for retirement. I’m looking forward to playing with it this week and in the weeks to come with my husband.

I admit it….

I can’t do it. I just cannot do it. I cannot continue to keep up with the fast paced life. This is why I want to retire as early as possible. There are so many complicated things wearing me down right now and all I want is simple comfort. I do not want to be a part of the rat race any more.

-I cannot keep up with life.
-I cannot keep up with  relationships.
-I cannot eat right day in and day out.
-I cannot exercise all the time to stay fit.
-I cannot keep track of all our money.
-I cannot keep track of our health insurance.
-I cannot keep up with our retirement plan.
– I cannot keep up with Josh’s health, diet and medications.
-I cannot stop eating for comfort.
-I can’t do enough mobility at night.
-I can’t do enough yoga regularly enough.
-I can’t handle my job.
-I can’t handle my micromanaging boss.
-I can’t approach my husband enough for sex.
-I can’t find my balance and my zen.
-I am borderline on a breakdown.

I’m stuck in this transition with houses and I am positive it is the cause of all these feelings. I completely feel stuck and out of control. I don’t even see my husband anymore because he’s on such a tight schedule. My personal life is sucking….. I just want to disappear. I want on our island longer and longer and crave that early retirement more than usual today.

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Yet, I have nothing to complain about. I’m blessed beyond measure. I realize I have a roof over my head, a good job, a wonderful husband that has a good job, a family that loves me, good health, good travel opportunities, amazing friends that are more than understanding at all times, more material things than I need…. I know this and want to focus on it more. I’m just having a tough day facing the realities around me. I assume everyone feels this way once in a while, right? It proves I am human and not a robot or superwoman.

But hey, we’ll be in a new house soon enough, we’re getting a new puppy and life really is pretty good right now… I just need a cup of hot cocoa.

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***Update 1/20/2015 I had a MAJOR reality check at work today. While talking to a new coworker, she revealed the struggles she and her fiance are going through with his health. Basically, he was diagnosed in September 2014 with Stage 4 brain cancer that has pretty much a death sentence. Nothing that I say or complain about in here can remotely compare to the struggles they gave faced the past 4 months. It was a perspective shift of the day to remind me to feel blessed for what I do have.

Stuck in the Mud

I feel very stuck in the mud lately with our home life. We are in a major state of transition trying to accomplish our financial goals and I am frustrated waiting on it all to change. Plus, the housing market in Northern Kentucky sucks!

As I’ve said in a previous blog post, we have had a bid on a short sale home since July 3rd of last year. It has taken so long already and I have realized in this process that 6 months is our threshold of being in transition. When we bought our first house, we rented it back to the sellers for 6 months. They asked for an extension and we had zero tolerance. We wanted to be in our house and that is where we are now!! We want in our house! So we have moved in to plan B and started looking for alternate houses. (Fortunately we are renting month-to-month in our current place and only have to give 30 days notice.)

So we started looking to find what we want and quickly realized we have the best house bid on in our price range. That sounds fine, but HUD might not approve our offer. And we are 7 months in…. So we have been looking here and there and going up in range and nothing is popping up! It is either too good to be true, distressed sales, they do do not have any of the features we want or it is just too much house for us.

Grrrr! I really want to start painting, organizing and unpacking these boxes that I’ve already forgotten what is in them!!! This is not very zen for me. Every weekend, this is where I am – anxious, impatient and frustrated with the process. Maybe tomorrow will end it well with a few showings.

In Sickness and In Health

I’m so worried about my husband and his health. The past couple of years have been very trying for us. His health started declining with a back injury and eventually he had fusion surgery in L5-S1. Since then, he’s not seen much relief for his back pain yet and many other symptoms have joined the party. Needless to say, we both are very worried. By the end of every weekend, we both are quietly concerned that something very serious is wrong. We semi-joke about it and in that comic relief moment, he usually “jokes” that he hopes he’s not dying. There’s truth in every joke, right?

We keep searching for answers to each individual ailment, but I wonder and worry that there is something underlying w ith all the symptoms combined and no one is noticing. We are doing the best we can with doctors and dealing with it all hoping someone finds an answer and helps him find relief. Like I said in my blog post on December 30, 2014, life has been kicking him in the dick lately. All pleasures are slowly getting stripped away. First, pain intervened with things and he couldn’t keep exercising, then low testosterone and sex was affected, and now food is not even tasty. He’s losing sleep and is more and more depressed. Of course, he would be. Who wouldn’t be?

I wish I could have given him health for a gift tied up in a pretty bow this past Christmas.
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So my point to this entire blog is to say marriage is really hard some days and the traditional vows are real. There is real stress in health issues and trying to find balance in all parts of life. Some of the best advice I have is a bible verse. I might have mentioned that I’m no longer a very religious person, but1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is still in my roots and very relevant for my marriage; it is wise words to live by:

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To my single girlfriends

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My friend posted this meme today with “In search of this man” in the status. Ladies, I like the idea of this letter but did you actually read his request?  I know I’m married and don’t know what it feels like to be in the dating world. I haven’t felt it for a long time, but an observation that I’ve made with my single girlfriends when you are dating is that you DON’T look past his past or your own. You go into every relationship with the expectation that it is going to fail and that this good man is too good to be true. Guess what? So are you.

Don’t get me wrong, I do see ladies get trapped in bad relationships and put up with crap. But that’s just it. You’re not trapped – just break up and move on. Do you or do you not want the relationship you described above? If you’re not a match with someone, fine. But if they are a good man and match your personality, learn how to communicate and recognize your fears – specifically of cheating. Trust me – Talking about your fear of getting cheated on is fine in early stages of a relationship; most men probably are fine with that talk. They know and realize that cheating is something that is painful and hard to get over. But let me tell you from experience, that fear of him cheating on you will ruin your relationship if you don’t let it go. It’s almost like you will speak it into existence. It will indefinitely drive a man away and he will either cheat or break up. Both end in heart break, but what I don’t think you’re noticing is your role in this. Trust is the main point here. If you don’t trust him, he’s not going to stay.

A relationship’s foundation is trust. Some of the responsibility falls on you to give him a chance and look beyond the expected failure. This is how marriage and relationships work.

Obviously there’s so much more to this, but I had to put this somewhere. My friends don’t listen to me when I try to point it out.