I admit it….

I can’t do it. I just cannot do it. I cannot continue to keep up with the fast paced life. This is why I want to retire as early as possible. There are so many complicated things wearing me down right now and all I want is simple comfort. I do not want to be a part of the rat race any more.

-I cannot keep up with life.
-I cannot keep up with  relationships.
-I cannot eat right day in and day out.
-I cannot exercise all the time to stay fit.
-I cannot keep track of all our money.
-I cannot keep track of our health insurance.
-I cannot keep up with our retirement plan.
– I cannot keep up with Josh’s health, diet and medications.
-I cannot stop eating for comfort.
-I can’t do enough mobility at night.
-I can’t do enough yoga regularly enough.
-I can’t handle my job.
-I can’t handle my micromanaging boss.
-I can’t approach my husband enough for sex.
-I can’t find my balance and my zen.
-I am borderline on a breakdown.

I’m stuck in this transition with houses and I am positive it is the cause of all these feelings. I completely feel stuck and out of control. I don’t even see my husband anymore because he’s on such a tight schedule. My personal life is sucking….. I just want to disappear. I want on our island longer and longer and crave that early retirement more than usual today.

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Yet, I have nothing to complain about. I’m blessed beyond measure. I realize I have a roof over my head, a good job, a wonderful husband that has a good job, a family that loves me, good health, good travel opportunities, amazing friends that are more than understanding at all times, more material things than I need…. I know this and want to focus on it more. I’m just having a tough day facing the realities around me. I assume everyone feels this way once in a while, right? It proves I am human and not a robot or superwoman.

But hey, we’ll be in a new house soon enough, we’re getting a new puppy and life really is pretty good right now… I just need a cup of hot cocoa.

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***Update 1/20/2015 I had a MAJOR reality check at work today. While talking to a new coworker, she revealed the struggles she and her fiance are going through with his health. Basically, he was diagnosed in September 2014 with Stage 4 brain cancer that has pretty much a death sentence. Nothing that I say or complain about in here can remotely compare to the struggles they gave faced the past 4 months. It was a perspective shift of the day to remind me to feel blessed for what I do have.

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