Recently I’ve been talking to my therapist about my circle of friends. One of the first things I said to her was that I was frustrated that my friends did not seem interested in my life. In my last appointment, we finally discussed that my definition of friendship and my expectations for my friends can and will vary during my life.
First, the question was did I have realistic expectations. I believe I do, but what I define as a close friend probably needs to be limited to a small few. I sometimes apply that status to people that are not in the closest circle of trust in my life. Then when they do not live up to my expectations, I am disappointed and mad at them for not doing so. In reality, I cannot be close to everyone even though I sometimes want that.
Since I have friends that have come and gone, my therapist helped me see the closer circle includes a select few: my husband, one really great friend, one coworker and one other that lives out of town that I’ve met in life travels.
The next circle in the bullseye contains a few more people and a select few family members that I’m very close to, but they are not my “go to” friends for various reasons: inconsistent, unavailability, distracted by life, etc. They are well meaning, but I cannot rely on them the way I can the inner circle.
My therapist and I discussed that people move naturally in and out of these circles as we go through life. Oftentimes, when I feel frustrated, angry, sad or confused, a friend has moved into another circle without my full awareness or support. And sometimes, there is nothing I can do about that.
So does this blog have anything to do with anything? I guess my point is to share that friendships are not always easy. Social media has made the definitions a little more blurry than they used to. If I had one piece of advice, it would be: be careful who you let into your inner most circle and recognize the ones that are there.