The last couple of weeks, I’ve been struggling with the consequences of my tendency to overcommit. I’m not around the house enough to do the simple things, yet somehow it’s all getting done.
It’s been two weeks since therapy. There are notes I took during my session.
It’s a learning process. My husband and I have had several spats as I work through it. He’s learning how to be empathetic and helpful in the house, while I’m working on not being a yes woman.
I don’t know why I’ve struggled so much with commitment to others. Part of me believes it is related to my need to please everyone. I want to do everything I can, at the sacrifice of what’s important to me. I’m going to work on this more. No. I am fixing this.
I need to first prioritize and actually stick to that. I take my husband for granted. I assume he’ll always be there and the truth is, he may not. He is the most important person in my life, yet I often put him last. It’s frightening. Before you think I’m an arrogant bitch, this behavior is not intentional. I basically commit to things because I think it’s okay and then realize later it’s pushing into our limited time together. Our time is limited because of his job. Like I wrote last time, he’s grounding me and building the hill underneath my feet. It’s amazing, and it causes me great guilt to prioritize our relationship more than I have been.
Basically, I need to slow down. After establishing with my therapist that I need to ask for help, I.did exactly that. I asked my friend for help organizing myself and managing myself better. I’m trying to get promoted again and if that comes, I’ll be at a high level that I’ll need to know how to manage myself better. She’s going to help reduce the excess noise in my mind.
And on that note, I’m going to go to bed. I need to unplug.
All steps, big and small, are important in my journey out of the rat race.