Well, it’s time to start thinking about my goals again for 2016. I wish I knew where to begin. My biggest goal in 2015 was to find balance, which I can say honestly that I am better today than I was yesterday in this category. I think that 2016 theme might need to be “Control What You Can Control”, which is a reference to the long-loved Serenity Prayer and a Codependent’s prayer as well.
Last week, I watched Barbara Walters reveal the Top 10 Most Interesting People of 2015 and Tracy Morgan was one of them. He said that “Happiness is having something to look forward to.” That was such an astounding thought. He’s right! My friends that are seeking purpose and passion are lacking that “something to look forward to.” All of us are directionless and have a long list of needs:
- We need strength
- We need guidance
- We need confidence
- We need love
- We need understanding
- We need goals
- We need encouragement
- We need a leader
Funny, we think we need someone else to do this for us, but it’s all right there for us to do for ourselves. I am struggling taking that step to do it for myself. I crave order and direction and guidance from someone and I am not used to needing to define these things on my own. Mistakingly, I forgot I owned my own life, and have been submitting to other people’s expectations of me for a long time without even realizing it.
I thought I broke free, but I lost me again. Maybe it was an illusion and I never found me anyway. This is the plight of a codependent.
People see me having a natural ability to lead, so when asked, I am flattered and say yes.
The ones that do not ask, I self-appoint myself and then feel resentment because they don’t listen.
At work, I am waiting on a sign of direction from my boss. Everyone says that I can own it, but I cannot see it.
Also at work, I can see amazing directions ahead and am fearful to not have a strong leader to help me through.
Another big one is that I refuse to own my husband’s search for this, but I desperately want him to define it for the both of us. (What pressure I’m giving him!)
When am I going to take control of my own destiny?
When am I going to decide what I actually want or have the courage to fight for that?
These questions are the beginning of change. And they are exactly why I’m thinking of the Serenity Prayer
Welcome to my journey out of the rat race. 🙂