What is your biggest DESIRE?

My friend and I were talking while at work. We just started following Kelsey Humphreys on Facebook and her May 20th post triggered a great conversation and an overall thought-provoking day. Kelsey talked about WHO WE ARE. She narrowed it down in a few statements:

  • Often times a People Problem is actually a situational problem
  • Personal problem is actually an environmental problem.
  • In other words, people try to “fit their square selves in a round hole”

So that brings me back to the conversation my friend and I were having. My friend told met hat she has been touched by the belly laughs of viral videos lately and she is starting to realize she has lost her own belly laugh. I can relate. I have about one time that i do belly laugh like that and it is when the love of my life tries to stick his finger in my belly button – drives me insane, but it’s hilarious! Anyway, my friend turned the question on me and asked me “What is your biggest DESIRE?” I told her I had a hard time describing that and went on to explain that I like not having anything that I must go do and just living with my own agenda and doing what I want. She translated it into one word for me: “FREEDOM”.

YES – FREEDOM is EXACTLY how it should be described!

And I want to find the passion to fight for that freedom – the same passion that  Mel Gibson showed in Braveheart while fighting for his freedom.

Other early retiree bloggers have mentioned this before and I totally agree with them – it’s hard to justify why I want to retire early. I mean, what am I thinking to not work anymore? Why do I deserve that? I’ve started to say that I want a career shift instead. Through soul searching, I have found that I don’t necessarily want to quit working. I just want to be free of the corporate handcuffs. I want to wake up when I please and stay in bed a little longer if I need to. I don’t want to fill out a form to say that I took training when the training is already automatically logged. I don’t want to have to report my vacation time to anyone or obey some silly dress code. I just want to be me. I want to be free of this. And I am getting closer. I’m finding ways. I’m starting to take ACTION as Kelsey Humphreys suggests.

I’m ready to fight for what matters.  Because if you aren’t fighting for freedom, what are you fighting for?

We All Die

Until next time, I will be over here fighting for my freedom and deliberately attempting to find my way out of this rat race.

 

Therapy Session: “Perfectly Imbalanced”

For several years,  I was seeking balance in my life. I would set goals every year instead of resolutions and target to accomplish certain things in my life that year around the areas: physical,  career, friendships, spiritual, and my marriage. Most the time,  I achieved all those goals and I thought I had it all figured out, but I couldn’t figure out why I still never felt balanced.

So then I lost my religion about 8 years ago and started to feel a weight lift.  I carried so much guilt and fear while I was constantly striving towards perfection.  Nothing was ever good enough in my mind.  I did my absolute best and wanted praise for it all.  And if I didn’t hear the praise, I doubted myself.  What a sad life! Wasn’t those described feelings exactly the opposite of what feeling the grace of God should be like? I mentally tortured myself.  And I wasn’t striving to be like Christ. I was striving to an unrealistic expectation I had on myself.  No one can be perfect.  No one can be like Christ or like any other perfect being in other religions.  All we can be is human; and humans are imperfect. So in order to realize that,  I had had to stop. And there I finally found myself free. I was free of the guilt of obligation, the guilt of fulfilling the role of being the:
perfect wife
perfect friend
perfect daughter
perfect employee
perfect Christian
perfect singer
perfect acquaintance (seriously)
perfect __________….

Fast forward 8 years later,  and I’m in therapy again to deal with my feelings related to work.  I still fight the urge to be perfect, but I’m getting the hang of letting go and being me.  My therapist this week reminded me that you will always be imbalanced in your life. She said you can strive to be “perfectly imbalanced”. It’s like a teeter totter. The closer you are to the middle,  the less extreme reaction you will get. But you’ll never have it perfectly balanced because there will always be something that lowers one side. 

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Do it scared

The past couple of months I have been doing a lot of things scared. You read about me starting to network with people in my current profession in the area we want to retire. I realize that might take ten years to cultivate that relationship and I am okay with that.

On top of that networking, I started working with a network marketing direct sales company as well. At first, my goal was only to selling enough to purchase my own items. But over time, I realized that there is a really good opportunity within this particular company. One of the mottos in my team is to “do it scared.” The more that I do things that scare me in this organization, the more confident I am becoming. It is a direct correlation.

So let me catch you up where I am:
*Started in January
*Promoted in March and started earning 25% Commission
*Started recognizing the network that I already have
*This past weekend,  I started boldly reaching out to them.

I am anxious to see how this hard work will pay off. During the week, I am busting my butt at my full-time job and on the weekends I’m busting my butt with my network marketing job. I think there is a ton of possibility opening up soon. And even though I have skeptics in my life about it, including sometimes my husband, I think it’s going to take off soon.

I’m ready to put in the work while it takes off.

Until next time, I am continuing my journey out of the rat race.

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