My highlight reel has a tear in it

I’m in the middle of the most incredible year of my career right now. Yet, I blemished it. 

I struggle with the name of my blemish and don’t even like to say it. My husband thinks I had an emotional affair. There was some sexual by nature conversations, so I can’t argue. But it all feels surreal and like it wasn’t an affair. It was an occasional text with a man that became a friend. I didn’t have sex with the guy. I wasn’t even in proximity to have it. And I wanted to talk to my husband about it, but never did. I knew it would hurt him and knew it was wrong to a degree. I don’t try to minimize it, but I struggle because I don’t think it is as bad as what my husband did to me. 
So my biggest fear came true. I sabotaged my 40th birthday celebrations, my hope for an amazing 15 year wedding anniversary and tore my own highlight reel of my career with this. I disappointed myself! 
I still believe that there is no sin, just consequences to your actions. I’m realizing now that we had a ripple happen years ago that is continuing in our relationship. For every action, there is a reaction. It’s a law of physics. This is no different. I guess it’s karma, but it’s a tough pill to swallow. Both of our families had affairs in them. And maybe every family has their secrets and struggles. 
And the real epiphany tonight is that I realized I have wanted my husband to understand why I felt the way I felt after he had an affair and to be able to put himself in my shoes. I never expected that I would be the cause…. I have been humbled. 
Forever regretful. 

My Need for an Outsourced Life

My world is changing, I believe. Actually I know it is and I see more and more the reason to outsource things in my life. 

Recently my husband had back fusion. Because of that, he is on medications that have side effects. There have been complexities that I don’t find fit to mention here, but I feel I’m at a crossroads with a few things. As I get more and more busy with my career and building momentum in my side hustle, there are many things that are going to suffer at home. 

I need to sort out some of these things because the last thing I want to do is not be there for my husband.  I’ve been contemplating the need for outsourcing parts of my life to eliminate stress and help me maximize my time with Josh. But I’m torn because that can cause expense. Kelsey Humphreys mentioned though that highly successful people recognized the need for outsourcing early on, so they can focus on what matters. And that is why I’m at a crossroads. I can either continue to limp along and stress about things like missing bills, not having any clothes, eating unhealthy, and much more, or I can admit it’s time to outsource one or two things. The question is what to outsource……