Words are My Enemy  (Haiku Journal Day 34)

Today is a blend
Haiku Journal Day Three Four
Plus a little more

Human and desires
Heart longs for significance
Correct expressed words

Words, the enemy
Too many and yet too few
Haiku exercise

I’ve searched for a long time to find the right words to describe pretty much everything in my life. Every time I try to explain something about anything to anyone, I fumble on words. I usually say so much that I wind up confusing all that participate in the conversation. And I feel shame, frustration and anger because I know it’s me. It took me 40.5 rotations around the sun to identify those emotions and why I was feeling them. And it is becoming so obvious to me now that I catch myself in conversations, try to undo the damage, and then make it even worse. I know the answer is in me, but nothing I’ve done so far has worked.

That’s why I started journaling in Haiku. I thought if I started condensing my day into less words, I’d be able to avoid confusing everyone in my life and be able to take the 20 descriptive words in my head and condense them into one word. What I’ve found instead is I’m increasingly angry at myself and feel hopeless sometimes because I don’t see personal improvement. But then again, I don’t have clearly defined goals and my target probably is moving.

So I know I have more work. This truly is my journey out of the rat race. I am guessing that when I tackle this obstacle, I will propel myself forward in a way that gets me out faster. The question is, will I want to leave the nest when I’ve finally gotten comfortable in my version of the world?

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