Fairytales do not exist. Cinderella may run away with the prince, but he then wants more from her and expects her to keep the house clean. That reminds her of how her evil stepmother treated her and she resents him for expecting this. And the cycle continues as she expects him to be at every family event and he expects her to be at every formal event when the kids are acting crazy and need cleaned up. And maids are too expensive, so they cut corners to save money. Cinderella wants her own career and life, but can’t find the balance. And so, the chaos ensues and threatens their “happily ever after.”
It’s hard to be two individuals in a marriage and be happy at the same time. In fact, I’m not sure you can be happy at the same time. It might be “Murphy’s Law of Opposites” or something.
When one spouse is unhappy, the entire house is unhappy. Everyone tiptoes around hoping to not poke the angry bear. And this isn’t just a temporary emotion. It’s a long lasting depression that can shake you both to the core.
This is NORMAL!!! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Here are 10 realities in a marriage that people don’t tell you.
1) Someone is often unhappy with how much sex you have or don’t have.
2) Someone will always have an ailment or an injury or major mental stresses. If one doesn’t, consider yourself blessed and take advantage of that shit.
3) Because of before said ailments, injuries or mental stresses, you most likely will be affected in the bedroom. (See number 1 again).
4) Consider yourself lucky if you are working the same schedules. (See number 1 again).
5) Communication really is the hardest thing about marriage. But that one word is so hard to describe in one sentence that it deserves two.(See number 1 again).
6) Learn how to communicate your feelings, no matter what they are, without fear of reactions and/or hurting the love of your life. But sometimes truth hurts and that’s what you DON’T want to do to someone you love. But honesty really is best. And be honest with yourself as well.
See(And see number 1 again).
7) Kids – We don’t have them, so I can’t speak to that very well. What I can say is that you may not notice all of these other issues happening if you have kids to distract you. They also seem to give people a purpose that they may not have had before, which can help with the mental stresses. But the divorce rate after kids have left the house reflect that the couple may have been accidentally ignoring these other difficult things. (See number 1 again).
8) Technology will most definitely get in the way of your relationship. This is a #firstworldproblem, but make no mistake; it is very real. (See number 1 again).
9) Your spiritual journeys are intertwined, yet separate. They will cause conflicts and changes and trick your mind to think, “This is not who I married.” (See number 1 again).
10) Being thankful for each other is really so simple and helpful. And on some days, it’s one of the hardest things to be. (See number 1 again).
11) Couldn’t keep it at 10, money. Money is the devil. Get on the same page early. That includes how you save money, how you spend it, gifts, etc. (See number 1 again).
12) Oh I’m on a roll and can’t Stop!!! Family! The saying that you marry each other’s families is so true. But it’s really about how you both react to that. One might not get along with the in-laws or they may have their own family issues and this interferes with visits in every way. It adds stress because you know your spouse is uncomfortable and that’s back to communication. Truth hurts. You have to find a compromise or it’ll always be stressful. And make your own family together whatever that combination looks like: friends, kids, pets, whatever. Just find your combination for your own community.
All right, I’ll stop at 12. (For now). (See number 1 again).
The whole point is that all these things can block your individual happiness. And individual happiness is what society tells you that you want to do. Kind of:
In all this, remember for your own sake, your spouse’s sake and your relationship’s sake: