Tag Archives: husband

Dug your grave….

I dug my grave, so I need to lay in it a while – woller in it. Get muddy and think about it. And I need a scarlet letter on my shirt to say it to the world or I’ll just live in quiet shame.


Yes, I had an emotional affair, and it was not without consequences. I’m paying for it now. I hurt my husband – more than anything, that is what I am most regretful about. I hate that he is hurting still because of it. I’ve felt the same pain he feels now after he cheated on me years ago. And because of my affair, I am just now learning how his affair started. He lived in shame, quietly, for years about his. His quietness made me think he had no regrets. And I see he feels the same way about me now because he is asking questions that I only thought about. I was ashamed to even feel angry about his affiar because I didn’t want to lose the love of my life. (Those thoughts go back to the thought that all fights end a relationship. But I digress….).

What I have noticed is that I’m losing my moral compass. I mentioned in my previous post that I don’t believe in sin anymore, just consequences. But, I haven’t been fully honest with anyone or myself yet. I twist my words in a way to get people to agree with me that I think my husband is wrong for feeling the way he does for as long as he had. Then I look like a saint because I understand why he feels the way he does. What will it take for me to be fully honest? Do I need to hit a rock bottom, raw place that I can’t see yet? I want to move on and pretend like it never happened, but I know that isn’t healthy. I need to face it. I know I need to. But I don’t know what I’m facing and I’m afraid….. And I should be.

So, the next few days, I need to figure out a way to show my husband daily that I don’t want to lose him and that I am regretful and that I am sorry….. I need to soul search what I would give up in order to do that.


I Have a Secret

I’m plotting against my husband!

Christmas is coming and I’m planning something so big I can’t keep quiet. He never sees this blog; he may not know it even exists…. So I’m risking it and sharing with you that I’m getting some provocative pinup style pictures done for him. I’ve never been as excited about a gift for him as I have been for this! It’s so fun. Plus I can’t wait to see how beautiful this photographer will see me. I really feel she will capture a beauty from me that will make me feel beautiful and exotic for him.

I couldn’t keep it in. Thanks for listening. Now, shhhhhh…..

Update 11/30/2014 – the pics are turning out so good!!!! Cannot wait to share! Every woman should do pictures like this to show her how beautiful she is to herself!

Seven things Lucky 13 and linens can teach you!

Today is our 13th wedding anniversary and I guess I’m tired of seeing everyone go into marriage not realizing what it’s like. For the newlyweds and anyone else looking to make sure they are not alone, trust me, you are not alone!!! After being together 19 years and married 13 of those, we’ve figured a few things out about how to stay married and overcome some obstacles.

  1. It’s very helpful to be on the same shift, days off or you need to be very trusting and relaxed.
  2. Sometimes that unmet expectation, whatever it is, is due to health reasons that neither of you are aware of yet.
  3. Patience, trust, forgiveness and understanding are keys to overcoming many battles.
  4. Family often adds stress unknowingly and it gets a stronger hold the closer the time is to seeing them.
  5. Money and sex really are the reason for so many arguments, but “they” don’t tell you that it’s disguised in other conversations as other issues.
  6. You can’t fool proof your marriage and protect things from happening that could cause a reason for a divorce. The act of anticipating that there might be problems alone invites the problems to the table.
  7. Marriage is hard. It’s really, really hard. Your spouse will hold a mirror for you to reflect every flaw you have physically, spiritually, habitually, personally, emotionally, and you may not like what you see in it. But you need to remain open-minded enough to realize what you see is a reflection of the way you are behaving and not a picture of your spouse.
  8. You will see many marriages dissolve in your lifetime. Sometimes it’s family, sometimes it’s your own marriage or your best friend’s or your coworker’s. There’s a reason – it’s hard. There are lots of tips to help you along the way and things that can strengthen your marriage. Some work, some don’t. Do as much as you can together, remember why you fell in love, be patient, be kind, be loving, be sexy and romantic, put your phone down and have conversations, go on adventures together and have dates, play games together, vacation, smile, hug often, have sex, exercise together, cook together, whatever. Take each other out for special occasions and on your 13th wedding anniversary, don’t forget to give each other linens.