Tag Archives: mental health

Haiku Journal Day 168 – We’re not them

Do not worry, my love
Together for twenty years
Nowhere close to them


My Journey Out of the Rat Race Spiritually

There’s so much more to my early retirement goals than just leaving the work force. I’m on a journey to learn about myself and grow spiritually as well as emotionally.

If you have read my background, you’ll know that I’ve left the Methodist church and over time, I’ve mentally gone towards Eastern religions. I’ve studied minimally to open my mind, and I’m drawn to thinking that is not bound by tradition.

Lately with all the things happening in my marriage, I started recognizing that my solar chakra is always blocked. I’m learning to unblock it. I took a quiz today to help me determine if it was out of alignment and as suspected, it is. So then I took the quiz as if I were my husband. That’s when I realized his root, sacral, solar and crown chakras appear out of alignment. Poor guy is a mess.

As I continue down these paths, I am eager to learn the lessons life has for me, so we can go to our peaceful retirement as fast as possible. But all of these lessons are part of the journey, right? So stay tuned here as I learn on my journey out of the rat race.



What I learned in Couples Therapy Today

When people say marriage is hard, it’s an understatement.

Today was the first day of couples therapy for me and my husband. I saw him tear up a couple of times and I hate that I caused him pain, but I know that this will make us stronger in the long run. And surprisingly, we laughed at ourselves a few times. And I took away 3 main things today:

  1. We’re going to be fine (after we have some tough conversations).
  2. We have history on our side.
  3. My husband’s trust issues go much deeper than my affair.

After my husband discovered my secret friendship, I told myself that it was a good thing. It was good that it was out in the open because honestly, I knew it was risky. For the record, I never thought that it was an emotional affair, but I knew it had gone on long enough without talking to him about it. I look now at the way I behaved within the friendship and knew it was going to hurt my husband. But I never knew it would hurt him so deeply and I never thought he would label it as an affair. I should’ve stopped it long ago, but I always felt it was somewhat harmless.  Hind sight….  Anyway, I remember thinking it was a good thing it was out in the open becuase I felt that he held me to a standard that was impossible to maintain. Of course, I was going to screw up.   And now that we’ve had the first of many therapy sessions, I realized how right I was.

You might be thinking that I’m being super presumptious, but stick with me a minute. My husband explained to the therapist his long history of not being able to trust his mom because of how many times she broke his trust. She taught him to hate/fear his father (who is legitimately a great guy); she never was honest about his family and why they were estranged from them; and she refused even during his adulthood to tell him what truly happened when she and his dad divorced (when he was an infant). And all of these trust issues happened over the course of his entire childhood with a few critical moments happening when he was around 14 or 15. For his sake, I’m not going to go into all the details of each scenario; the main point is she hid a lot from him and he has reason to not trust people and especially women. I knew of all this history, but today, for some reason, it clicked in a new way during therapy and I had more empathy than I already had for him.

Fast forward after his critical childhood moments into the college years and insert the codependent young lady into his life that wants to please a man to replace the love she wanted to feel from her dad. See where I’m going here? Our relationship and marriage was destined for a lot of problems. And to boot, I have my fair share of trust issues as well.

I’m scared and anxious and hopeful to go through the therapy process this time. The last time we did this, I learned of his affair after and therapy didn’t do much for us. He wasn’t honest with me then out of fear…. see the theme? Fear.

But this time, my husband talked a ton and seems legitimately open and eager to fix our situation. So, this is all part of the journey out of the rat race, right? I mean if you can’t retire happily together forever after, then why retire early?


Until next time….


Healing Mind, Body, Soul

It has been a whirlwind of a weekend for me. I spent it at the Younique Convention. To say that my mind was blown away is an understatement. This up and coming direct sales company is making a HUGE difference in this world. And all the training that I attended helped me see a few things more clearly.

Take time to heal your mind. Our mental health is so beat down in this society. Women, especially, fight severe self-esteem issues because of the way this world has divided the gender gap. This conference helped me understand how important it is to be uplifted, empowered, and validated. This doesn’t need to happen to us by others. We need our minds to say this inside our heads. And that takes time, patience and often  times, therapy. I have been in and out of therapy and love how it helps me. If you’ve never gone, I highly encourage you to do so.

Take the time to heal your bodies. People, I’m not talking just about losing weight. We need to “Get in Shape.” That phrase means so many different things to different people, so let me tell you what I mean. I mean holistically healing your body from top to bottom, side to side, every nook and cranny of aches, pains, internal and external. Break your habits that are causing damage. Watch for repetitive actions that might be causing more damage (i.e. neck pain caused by looking down at your phone.) Practice self-awareness. Also, stop letting money be the reason you choose not to heal yourself. I’m not perfect and I have not broken all habits, but I do focus most days on trying to overcome the things that are aging me. The biggest reason for this is physical ailments become an obsessive focus and you do not need that distraction from your purpose.

Take time to heal your soul. Our souls are an entity within us that yearns to show us what life is really meant to be like. The physical and mental ailments we carry hide our true person from us. It’s screaming to be let out. Our purpose in life is to let that soul free. That means something different for everyone, so I’m not going to try to explain to you how to do that. For me, I think I’m getting closer to recognizing what I need to do to free her. This conference gave me time to think about what I truly want in life. I strive constantly for validation. And even though I know I don’t need others to validate me, deep down, I know I do need to hear it because my mind and body lie to me all the time.  I validated my purpose this weekend again and it fueled my fire even more!

The entire reason I want out of the rat race so bad is because I recognize it keeps me from focusing on my mind and body, so my soul is no longer in chains. And even though I said before to not let money be the reason to not be healthy, the reality is that money is the sole reason I cannot free myself. I often feel like a worker ant struggling to find meaning in life and wondering if there is more besides the queen collecting all the benefits of my hard work. Well I know there is, but the almighty, worshipped dollar has power over me and our entire world. And that’s a tough thing to overcome. So I must heal my own soul a different way while I prepare my final approach to the finish line.

This is all part of the plan. Without the lessons we’ve learned in life, we could not appropriately enjoy the final destination. Therefore, I’ll keep plummeting down the road on my journey out of the rat race.

I pray you find a way to heal your mind and body enough to see clearly where your soul wants to go. Your body and brain are just vessels for it to get there. And the Universe reminds me all the time that I chose this. And so did you.